the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
