Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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