ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
