I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i dont even know how to be here
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
