At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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