How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
