im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
