a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
