Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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