yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
