I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
