I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
