guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize