My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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