You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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