looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
