Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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