On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
