It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize