For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
cat food counts as protein by the way
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
