Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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