I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize