JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
