You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize