i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want nice things and good sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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