people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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