I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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