seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize