I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
