my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
