turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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