I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
