walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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