I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
