I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
