so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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