I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
