final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh god it's open bar.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
