The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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