She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize