Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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