For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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