Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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