I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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