I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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