I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
