One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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