BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
