She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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