don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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