dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
