my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize