youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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