she was so not down for the gang bang
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
