I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize