My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
