like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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