my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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