Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
