I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
