do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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