Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
