All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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