I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
