You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
