if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
