Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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