If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
be right there i have to get my cape
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
