It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
