hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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