the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
