You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
