Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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