mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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