I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
