this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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