Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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