At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
