How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
