i just had sex bonerless
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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