Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
