my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
