I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
