Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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