I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
