He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My vagina just recognized that song.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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