The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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