What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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