What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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