I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Banned from zoo.
Again?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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