I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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