It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
