I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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