u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
