so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
