After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
