Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
