You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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