john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
