it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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