How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How's work?
Spinning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
