I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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