Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize