UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
