You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
