I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
