All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
