well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
