I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
