UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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