1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
