I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
