A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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