He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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