Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
