I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
